We live for the people around us. If we are scared of death, it is only in part because of the pain, the rest is a mind-numbing fear of losing what we know, who we know. There is family, there are friends. But sometimes, we find that relationships form in the most unlikely of places. It might be a negative one, no matter. Only, we might never fully comprehend the depth of it till we face a void that cannot be filled, till death and damnation. Can hate cause a wistfulness as potent as love?
Silence is a feel-good way to spend some time when you are upset, but not until you start suppressing your agonies and hardships. This is when you become a stoic. You think a million times, overthink and rethink before you say something. And by the time it starts choking you, you’d regret not having expressed it earlier.
It’s the little things that bother you to an extent nothing else does. It’s the little feelings that are hard to decipher and hard to tame. It’s difficult to get people to understand you, sometimes it’s difficult to understand yourself. But writing them down can make your heart feel a little lighter.
I don’t remember growing up, I can’t remember when I stopped asking for goodnight kisses or sliding into my parent’s bed after having a nightmare. I don’t remember when my morning routine changed from getting out of bed for breakfast to staying in and convincing myself that I am enough and I’m hardly convinced. I’m turning 20 next week and it feels a lot older than it’s supposed to.
“There is an understated struggle lying in the underbelly of every single day, and the seconds that go into wading through that river aren’t worthless”
Sometimes life feels utterly stationary and the lack of movement makes it seem like that is all your future holds too. Feeling as though you are living life doing tiny insignificant things that don’t matter because you can’t seem to do anything else. Well, if this is a problem you face, I’m here to offer you some perspective and tell you that it might not a problem after all.