Comfort Yearnings

by:Harika

Comfort is a blanket; sometimes you need a hand to wrap it around you, to put a pillow under your head, and make a small spoon out of the knife you are, being the small spoon is an emotion.

I read in a fanfiction yesterday, that you deserve good things. Of course, the “you” wasn’t me, or you, but a character, but the pronoun doesn’t have a fixed signified– it’s a variable, it’s for everyone. 

So, you deserve good things, and warmth and comfort, and everyone out there who makes you feel so is a good person. 

While you sit in a room, feeling hot but shivering from anxiety, the person who offers you their gloves is comfort; they think you’re cold, but it’s just your sweating hands. 

It’s the moment that is comforting, the feeling of not being able to breathe disappears for a second when they speak to you, telling you in their silent language that they saw you and they understood their capacity to help. 

Comfort is the flower that they wear in their hair — tucking their hair behind to show the fallen pieces they saved from being trampled to death, giving them a goodbye that will make them smile. 

Comfort is them writing three lines for you — telling you that you mattered, and still do, and always will; your value changed, your place changed; you shifted from the previous place in their heart and moved into a new corner, but your color never changed. 

Comfort is knowing you weren’t lost; that even though they haven’t talked to you in three months, they remember every single detail of your life and your face; they still talk about you like you brought down the smile for them from the other corner of the universe, even if they softly laugh at the voice with which you shout at their tears. 

Comfort is knowing words are arbitrary, the signifier “you” can always signify you. It’s knowing your knife-like edges don’t hurt everyone; actually, it’s knowing that they still hurt people, but people choose to stick around with bandaids for themselves and for you.

Comfort is knowing that you deserve good things and knowing that you yourself are the good-est thing. Always.