What’s meant for you, will find you.

By: Shatakshi

Does it ever happen that you close your eyes and a wave of anxiety overcomes you? You are fine, but there is an emptiness. A void. A feeling of uncertainty, when the nervous butterflies just don’t stop fluttering and you don’t feel at all at peace.

Going in circles about the day, it’s not like you are sad; it is an unexplainable feeling. There are happy moments that make you forget about the barren feeling inside you. But then poof. The serotonin rush just vanishes, and you are left with this weird feeling you can’t  seem to comprehend or even explain.

All of this really makes me question if I am actually wasting my life away. Is this restlessness a sign that my body is revolting against my changed behavior? Why have I not figured out the reason for my dissatisfaction by now? When I think about my life before, was I really the same back then? Or is this feeling prevalent because I was plucked out of familiarity?

These are some questions that I ponder a lot about. And I don’t have any answers to most of them. So then, how am I supposed to have my life sorted out by 20? Wasn’t that the benchmark age? How am I supposed to fill up those empty spaces and still continue with my life? Having not done any of it yet, I just think to myself, “Does this make me any less bright?” I’d like to believe not.

We spend a significant amount of our time planning out every minute detail of our lives. In this fast-paced world, we are always expected to run on a fixed schedule, be it for tomorrow or five years down the road. While planning for tomorrow may seem like a waste to a few, having a blueprint of your life is what some people see as an absolute necessity.

Every new day, however monotonous it might seem, is a new page in your personal yearbook. It may not seem like it right now, but this is something I’ve learned in the last 20 years, for I have had the privilege to squander around, make my own choices, and face the consequences.

What I have realized in this time is that it’s okay to be nervous, to have that feeling of being bare; it doesn’t make you weak. It rather speaks well of you as a person and shows your tenacity. Everybody is familiar with this feeling; it’s just that some people are better at coping with it than others. I, personally, would like to think that I’m still halfway there to finding myself. It is going to take me time—a few years or even longer, maybe. But one thing I’m going to stick with is that it is okay to give yourself that time.

All that being said, not putting in efforts and just waiting for things to happen magically is not what I am trying to convey. What I am really trying to say is that life can be difficult enough. So putting too much pressure on yourself isn’t going to really help you in the long run. Not having your life figured out can be okay at times. Spontaneity can be beautiful in itself. But what we really need to remember is that sometimes the most beautiful things can have their own poison. So be kind to yourself. Don’t push yourself towards unattainable standards, but rather self-reflect and find out what you really need rather than chasing what you think you want. It isn’t going to be easy to see people with their lives sorted out while you’re still connecting the dots, but trust me, some answers are worth waiting for.