change Day growing up Happiness life Love society Space story Thoughts Uncategorised



A heaviness falls on my chest as I hear him say the words again, for the umpteenth time today. 

“Stay.” He begs, with a pleading voice. 

“I can’t, not anymore.” I say, with an icy chill in my voice that puts him over the edge as his eyes go small and his face falls. I wrap my arms around his frame one last time and as I wait for his arms to find their way onto my back, I can’t help but contemplate staying for a little long. But I don’t wait. I don’t wait for him to hug me back and I walk away.

There are days when I hear those words ringing in my mind in a litany, when nothing else makes sense. There are days when I hear those words ringing in my mind on loop, where everything seems to have fallen into the background, like a motley of colours splashed on a canvas haphazardly. On either one of those days, I wish that you were here, to calm my ocean down and tell me that it will all be okay. The truth might be far from it, but just this once, I might actually believe you. 

I have been keeping this under wraps for long, in fear that once these words roll off my tongue, it just might be real. There is no going back after that. It takes only one to fall in love and I just might be the testimony to that, just like it takes only one person to wreak havoc and orchestrate loss. There is definitely an odd comfort that comes with being in the company of strangers; where no one knows you, knows your truth, the scars under your sleeves or the voices screaming inside your head while you walk with calm and staccato in your steps.You were not Hawkins’ Jason and I could never be Jess. I don’t know exactly which moment or date I transcended from Rachel to Jess, or if I ever did. I watched you from a distance each day, in groups or by yourself and at that moment I could only ever think of you as a magnificent piece of art I wanted to claim as mine. I talked to you as though I had not observed every little detail of yours and how you turned my apathy into something I did not know. As the distance reduced to endless talking all day on the phone, I realised you were not what I had expected you to be. What a fool of myself I have made, thinking that my imagination could trod over into reality and gain life. 

We were thin glass, you and I – fragile yet iridescent. This is the only thread of similarity running between us.

Running away was easier, holding your heart in mine and listening to your heartbeat could never be easy. I am Frangipane’s muse and you’re the boy from the garden state. A catastrophe underway, grenades in hand. When I left, I took the grenades away and blew it up on me.

change Efforts feelings Happiness Lessons life Love personal psychological Self social society Space story Uncategorised World

Powerlessness and other Things


“I don’t know what to do……”

“What should I do?…”

Such sentences often come into our minds when we have something that pains us and we seem powerless against it. Powerlessness is most certainly a horrible feeling. When you see things happening right in front of you. Wishing you could change it so bad or at least make it a bit better than it is.

You wish and you wish so strongly with all your might to be able to make a difference only to realize that all your prayers and efforts don’t make a difference. It’s like you can see your own hope and faith slowly slipping out of your hands and instead of falling to the ground, you can feel it falling in an endless pit shrouded with nothing but despair. The frustration is nothing less than painful. It plays with your mind and makes you feel so tiny and useless, to say the least.

Sometimes, you keep all these struggles inside yourself, hoping time will be your knight in shining armor and save you from everything. We all know time is usually too slow. People say that time heals everything. In those times though, it sounds like a lie. Like you have to fight it all on your own and all by yourself. After what seems like endless fighting you standstill. You start to hope that if you stop reacting to it, it will just go away. You bear with it and keep bearing with it till you break and then the words become more frantic echoing in your mind muddling it further.

“I don’t know what to do!”

“What should I do!?”

Now that you have had enough. Everything starts to pour out. You start to cry. Whether it is your eyes or your mind or your soul or your heart it doesn’t matter. Some part of you starts to cry.

Maybe it’s just a cry to let everything go or maybe you are screaming with all your might.

Maybe you want someone to come to you and save you from all of it even though you aren’t saying it out loud.

At times like this…..

It is okay to not do anything.In fact you shouldn’t do anything if you have already tried and can’t.

Rest yourself a bit.

Take some time to yourself.


Rely on someone. It is perfectly fine to ask them to stay with you longer than usual. Have a mental breakdown if you feel the need. It is okay to leave whatever is bothering you to someone else. To ask them to sort it out for you. Be it the matter itself or your feelings. Sometimes, you need someone else more than anything and that is fine.

At times like this….

It is fine to wait to make your move.

To be afraid of what will happen.

To think or maybe overthink if you are an overthinker.

To be afraid of every move you make and do things at your own pace.

Once everything settles…..

It is okay to realise that it was something small and easily solvable.

It is okay to realise you could have handled stuff in a better way.

It is okay to realise that nothing could have been done all along.

It is okay to realise that you were entirely in the wrong or totally wronged.

It is okay to realise that you were only confused and that it made everything worse.

It’s okay….

Sometimes all you can do is feel powerless and then let time help you see the real picture and make you realise what it all was.

But once it all settles…

Don’t be bothered by it again.

Let it go.

Forgive yourself and anyone involved.

Thank the ones who stayed with you throughout.

Show gratitude to the ones that helped you get through it.

Once everything settles though…

I want you to know.

You did your best.

You did great.

You are still loved and as long as you try to set things right with sincerity.

Whatever happened and however things went down is not just your fault.

Whatever happened doesn’t mean you are any less than you were before and that you deserve all the happiness that comes your way after it.

Love yourself even after everything happens. It is very important.

Powerlessness will go and how you grow from it all depends on you.

History Space Technology

Space Bound

By : Sarvesh

The 12th of April is celebrated as the international day of human space flight. On this day 60 years ago, cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first human to go to space. We have come a long way since. To appreciate the present one must learn the past.

 At the peak of the cold war, money was poured into the space research organizations by both superpowers. The Soviets always had better rocket systems and on 4 October 1957, 7:28 pm the first man-made satellite ‘SPUTNIK’ was launched into orbit. In 1958, the U.S. launched its satellite, Explorer I. That same year, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed a public order creating the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), a federal agency dedicated to space exploration.

In 1959, the Soviet space program took another step forward with the launch of Luna 2, the first space probe to hit the moon. Two years after, Yuri Gagarin, traveling in the capsule-like spacecraft Vostok 1 made history.

The Americans retaliated later that May. President John F. Kennedy made the bold, public claim that the U.S. would land a man on the moon before the end of the decade. -NASA’s budget was increased almost 500 percent. On July 16, 1969, U.S. astronauts Neil Armstrong, Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin, and Michael Collins set off on the Apollo 11 space mission, the first lunar landing attempt. One-sixth of the world’s population tuned in to see history being made. They were celebrated as heroes of humanity and this effectively concluded the cold war. Subsequently, Apollo 12 and 13 missions were green-lit. Truly a golden age for human space flight.

Then it all stopped. Ironically with the end of the cold war, manned missions to the moon and beyond froze. There was no incentive for the governments, there was no race to be won. There have been no manned missions to the moon in half a century. People say there is a silver lining to everything, and to the cold war, it came in form of huge funding and resource pooling towards the space industry. With no political pressure, funding greatly decreased and science took a backseat. 

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. It was first believed that everything right here was the universe. Then we compromised on being the center of the universe. We soon realized that the sun which was supposed to revolve around us, is actually a million times the size of our small round planet and it was us revolving around it. Later we grasped that our entire solar system is an insignificant fraction of a rather small galaxy. With powerful telescopes, we have discovered 2 trillion more galaxies. The scale of things truly becomes incomprehensible. To think the furthest a human has ever been is to the moon can suddenly seem demotivating but it truly is an incredible milestone in the history of our species. Even a journey of a billion miles begins with a small step.

In less than a century, the human population would become too much for the earth to handle. With a projected number of 9.9 billion by 2050, a war for resources is inevitable. The only place left for us….is up there, beyond our planet. Inexhaustible quantities of raw materials on various asteroids and mars are crucial for the continuation of our species.

The current goal for humanity is to colonize Mars. We have managed to launch several orbiters and even land rovers on Mars. Years of research have concluded the presence of ice and dried-up river and ocean beds on the Martian surface. This indicates mars had liquid water similar to earth. We have discovered all necessary chemicals to have sustained life on Mars in the past. If we can discover Martian life even in the form of a microbe or fossils, we would have answered one of earth’s biggest questions, “Are we alone?” The answer to this will yet again challenge our place and importance in the universe.

We all are aware of Elon Musk’s plan to go to the red planet. His plan to colonize mars involves getting a million people there by 2050. The vehicle entrusted with humanity’s graduation to a multi-planetary species is Space X’s ‘Starship’ fleet. While a million people to Mars in the next 2 decades seems outlandish, the technology being developed and the ship isn’t. Collaboration of the sharpest minds, working together will surely land us on the red planet in our lifetime. It is baffling to realize that the first human to walk on another world has already been born.

We have barely begun to scratch the surface of discovering our cosmic neighborhood. With dimes and nickels as funding and military-minded goals of governments, humanity will likely remain earth-bound for decades to come. There is certainly no better way of uncovering the secrets of the cosmos than by reaching for the unknown.

This is one of my favorite quotes ever was given by Carl Sagan on what is essentially earth’s first selfie. This photograph of Earth taken by NASA’s Voyager 1 at a distance of 6 billion kilometers from the Sun, somewhere near Saturn is dubbed the Pale Blue Dot’ (the cover picture)     “Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor, and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there–on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.”  

We miss the bigger picture as we continue our prolonged wars on defending our different ideologies.  While we practice our politics, shed blood, and remain ignorant, the universe awaits. Our goal as a space-faring civilization must be to grow and expand, uncovering the many secrets the universe hides. The ingredients of life are found everywhere in the expanse of this universe. If life could exist here, even by a billion to one chance, it must exist elsewhere too. I believe it’s not a question of “if aliens exist” but a question of “where”. Will, we ever be advanced enough to contact them or will we succumb to our differences?. Only time will tell.